Birthday! Today is my 46th birthday and it turned out pretty well. I woke up depressed. Not sure why. I don't think it had to do with my age but maybe because Thursday was the one year anniversary of my mother's death. Maybe it was because I took care of one person after the other with the stomach virus this week. (Thankfully, I did not get it.) Or maybe it was because of the argument my husband and I had last night over me wanting to watch the opening ceremonies in bed and him wanting to sleep. How is that for a switch?
Anyway, I was not really looking forward to the day. I woke up to a messy house, an irritable husband not completely recovered from the virus, and grumpy children who did not want to do anything the irritable husband told them. I would have canceled my appointment at the spa if it weren't for the fact that I had to get out of here.
I left home and picked up my friend Kim. We drove to the spa and I went in for a facial and she took my filthy car to be washed and the carpets cleaned for my birthday. Next we went to lunch and then shopping for organic produce. I know this may not sound exciting to most people, but it thrills me. Fresh, nutritious, and flavorful foods for my family make my heart jump.
The best part was when I returned home. The house was clean, everyone was happy, steak and asparagus were on the menu, presents had been dropped off by Granny Bear and my sister Mandy, and this beautiful cake was on the table. My dear sweet daughter had made it and decorated it all by herself. No one had ever shown her how. I was so impressed.
Lastly, I had the courage to accept a friend request from a women I went to high school with and even invited another high school friend. I thought that if I kept my maiden name off of Facebook, no one would ever find me.
I am not really sure why I am so afraid of my past. I know I don't remember very much of my life before I was saved. I know I was not happy and really did not like who I was. I really can not remember "good times" or things that I am proud of . I only remember hurt and shame. It has taken me years to partially understand this and see how it affects the people that I love.
I don't deserve the good things God has given me. But, I know the time has come for me to see me as He sees me. A beloved daughter that He was willing to die for. Oh if I could just wrap my arms around that one, it would indeed transform my life.